Nov 282013
 

Tween Takes a Gamble on Obscure Hadith-Winds up in Hospital Emergency Room

By Nazia Ali

fly hadith minnesota emergency room joke satire article newsMinneapolis, MN—In an attempt to impress friends, a 13 year-old boy dunked a fly into his drink then drank it to demonstrate the validity of a reputable but rather uncanny Hadith, only to be rushed to an emergency room 30 minutes later in what was a respiratory allergic reaction to traces of insect microorganisms.

Saad Bashiri, a 7th grade student from the Minneapolis suburb of Bloomington, was taken to Fairview Southdale Hospital after trying to prove he would be perfectly fine by adding a fly topping to his vanilla milkshake. Not surprisingly, the crowd of more than a dozen onlookers cheered him on as he proceeded to drown the insect into the cup, taking it out, then quickly finishing off the tasty beverage.

“What I can recollect from his muttering when the paramedics brought him in was he couldn’t believe how gangster a little fly was,” explained Chief Medical Doctor, Gabe Kotter. “They are in fact, lethal bitches.”

“He just took the shake down man!” laughed Bashiri’s friend, Sameer Haniyeh. “He even told us that if you see a fly in your house, don’t kill it, but take it for a dip in your favorite Capri Sun!” Haniyeh stated that about 10 minutes after the stunt, while Bashiri was getting high-fives, his face went white. Bashiri then grabbed his stomach, fell to the floor and went into a convulsion. That’s when Haniyeh knew something wasn’t right. “I dialed 911 as fast as possible. Common sense is going to tell you that he’s probably going to get sick.”

The Hadith (Hadiths are defined as traditions containing proverbs of the Prophet Muhammad) in inquiry stems from supposed collective sources which state if a housefly falls into the drink of an individual, the person should immerse it in the liquid then remove it, as one of the wings “has the disease and the other has the cure.” While a handful of contemporary scholars have validated the authenticity of the saying, none have ever made the attempt to pull it off.

“Oh, ya—don’t think I would ever want drink anything after a fly has been in it ya know,” said Dr. Hans Andersen, a Muslim convert, who spent 20 years studying Islamic theology at Al-Azhar in Cairo, later pursuing a Doctorate in Religion at Duke University. Andersen scoffed at the idea of taking the hadith literally, knowing well that flies carry the viruses of numerous diseases. He added only children with a certain level of stupidity should experiment in such health risks. “You betcha that this kid wanted to basically eat a fly and then tell his pals that it’s no big deal. Epic failure.”

“He’s always doing crazy stuff,” said Bashiri’s older sister Maaria. “I mean one week he’s trying to learn how to Dougie. The next week he’s trying to get on the roof with a trampoline. This week he decided to drink a fly. He’s thirteen. What do you want from him?”

Bashiri said he was inspired after catching the tail-end of a Friday sermon, in which the speaker said to live up to the actions of Hadiths. “He kind of, in his own way egged me on,” said Bashiri, despite no reports the speaker in question, Sheikh Waleed Abbas, ever coerced him.

Abbas, who was told about the incident, closed his eyes and put his hands over his face when he heard of the incident, exclaiming he perhaps needs to tone down the pep rally each time he brings up something which could perhaps sound a little dangerous.

“It’s like I need to put a disclaimer out there, the way they do in action commercials, which says in bold Do Not Attempt Stunt,” the Sheikh said. “It’s bizarre what people are willing to do.”

 

  2 Responses to “Tween Takes a Gamble on Obscure Hadith-Winds up in Hospital Emergency Room”

  1. @Nazia

    Good article. But you failed to give me props on my article idea. I suggested the dunking the fly Hadith in my little resume/article that I posted in the comments of the “NYPD Surveillance Report Shows Disturbing Activities at Local Mosques” article back in 10/17/13.

    I like the way you pulled it out and all, but it would have been cooler if you would have at least said “hi” to me in an email instead of a cold “oh…we will take it from here” vibe.

    • James,

      Let me start off by apologizing to you. Yes it was an idea that we ran with and put our own creativity on it. That being said, I do give you credit for providing the inspiration. Once again, I am sorry. But no, we were not being cold. We recently started this publication which takes a lot of work and deviation. Fortunately its been going in the right direction. As a result, I would like to offer you the opportunity to write an article for us using your satirical abilities to conjure up a comical, witty and fun article. Please send it to me, and I will review, edit and post. I think you have some good ideas–I’d like to see how you turn it into a story. Thanks,

      Cheers,

      Nazia

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