Jun 042014

Pakistan Receives ‘Captain Obvious’ Award After Declaring Honor Killings as UnIslamic

By Muhammad Jabri


captain obvious awardGeneva (SUI)—Pakistan was awarded the highest recognition for utilizing blatant common sense when it finally declared last week the barbaric and sadistic honor killings which have mired the country in dark controversy and created international outrage was unjustified.

The 30th annual Captain Obvious Award was presented today by the Social Science Research Council (SSRC) to Deputy Foreign Minister Fawad Shah Jehaan Siddiqui who accepted on behalf of Pakistan, which received 60 more votes than Russia, the top contender for the first half of the year when they admitted the deployment of soldiers into Crimea was to take over the peninsula and not to provide assistance to its people.

“I’m very honored and humbled by such a prestigious award,” said a proud Siddiqui, who appeared to have no understanding what he had received. “To be chosen for a Captain Obvious is letting the world know that we are not just politically savvy with our tough actions, but that we treat every decision with deep procrastinating thoughts.”

The SSRC, an independent and non-profit global organization founded in 1922, started the Captain Obvious campaign in 1990 to highlight elementary declarations, condemnations and rhetorical questions which are actually answered by countries, and in some circumstances, recognized figureheads. Support by a multitude of service groups and non-Governmental organizations (NGO) led the Captain Obvious Award to become a highlight and yearly fixture since 1994 for recipients who very much have no clue what the award entails other than it has an international aura. Former winners include the United States National Security Agency (NSA) saying they should have been more transparent on how they used information collected through surveillance; former President of France Nicolas Sarkozy in 2012 for claiming women wearing hijab in his country had become an issue; and India in 2013 for saying that rape is a problem.

“It’s like rewarding a child for eating his food at the table instead of on the floor,” said Dr. Birk Chathman, Professor of Political Science in Global Studies at the University of California, Irvine. “When the child figures out the black and white to the dilemma, you give him ice cream. Pakistan just got its ice cream.”

Pakistan made headlines when it denounced honor killings defined as a homicide of a member within the family usually committed by one or more other members of the family due to breaking custom codes or protocols. Most recently, a 25 year-old pregnant woman was bludgeoned to death on the streets of Lahore by family members for disobeying her parents and marrying man whom she loved. Pakistan finally declared the killing was unlawful and not considered acceptable within the context of Islam. However, critics have been quick to question the praise countries or individuals are receiving for pointing out the obvious.

“Sure, throw them a bone and pat them on the head for making such a ‘wise’ decision,” said Tarek Darwala, a member of the United Nations special convoy for South Asian negotiations. “Pakistan makes such a statement and now they think they’re the big brains on the block. But I’m not sold. They’re bound to let the dog pee on the rug again and be completely oblivious to it.”

  One Response to “Pakistan Receives ‘Captain Obvious’ Award After Declaring Honor Killings as UnIslamic”

  1. Hilarious! I agree. There are way too many times where countries tend to say something which is so obvious that its stupid to even say it! Haha! I’m gonna look for more of these….

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