The Okra News

BREAKING NEWS: WWE Wrestling to take over, broadcast GOP Debates!

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Feb 162016
 
CNN Republican Presidential Candidate Debate

BREAKING NEWS: WWE Wrestling to take over, broadcast GOP Debates!

By Sameer Khalil

SIMI VALLEY, CA  - SEPT 16: The CNN Republican Candidate Debate at the Reagan Presidential Library on September 16, 2015. Jake Tapper will be the moderator for the CNN Republican Presidential Candidate Debate from the Library on the 17th.

In a move widely applauded by the entertainment industry, WWE Wrestling announced it has acquired all rights to the GOP debates and will continue to produce many more as part of a new program. WWE will re-brand the debates as “GOP Commando” and feature the regular cast of Republican hopefuls far beyond the elections. Instead of verbal sparring behind podiums, the Republican contestants will do their trash talking inside the ring, while competing to see who can work the crowd into the biggest fury.

The move was a no brainer for WWE. “We realized that after the primaries, Americans wouldn’t get a chance to see GOP candidates ripping on each other again.” said WWE Spokesman John O’Tool. “And that would be a huge loss….sort of like “Springer” suddenly getting cancelled. Anyway, WWE is proud to bring these patriots back into American living rooms on a regular basis.The entertainment they provide is priceless.”

WWE2So far, WWE has reached agreements with Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush, Ben Carson, Chris Cristie, and Marco Rubio, among others. Talks with Donald Trump are still pending, however. The business moghul is trying to negotiate a deal which renames the show, “TRUMP’s GOP Commando” and makes him the focal point.

Republican favorite Sarah Palin has also signed on as the Ring Girl. Additionally, Palin will get each show started with her passionate, fiery rendition of WWE’s tag line: “ok folks, so are you READY TO RUMBLE?????”

Republican candidates—who don’t know the first thing about real war–can talk the talk with greater passion. Now, they can describe what they’ll do to ISIS, Obama, or immigrants who get in the way when they’re in charge!

The show will also feature actors to play President Barack Obama and Senator Hillary Clinton. After Republican contestants have been trashing each other for a while, “GOP Commando” will bring out the democrats for a change of pace. GOP candidates can then form tag teams to “open a can of whoop ass” on their common foes. It’s also been rumored that WWE Commando is in negotiation with several leaders of ISIS to play evil caricature villains, who insult America, then get their asses kicked.

Fan response has been overwhelmingly positive. “Man, I love to get a few beers with the boys and rip on Obama,” said Archie Baker. “Blaming Obama and Hillary Clinton for life’s failures is what gets me through the day. I can’t wait to see Chris Christie body slam a liberal the way he destroyed Marco Rubio in that debate.

Fan Herb Updike agrees, “When Jeb Bush and Donald Trump was at it, that really fired me up! That was a hell of a slugfest…sorta like if Triple H took on The Undertaker. My wife and me was just glued to the TV, hollering “Jerry, Jerry.”

It’s a brilliant programming move by WWE” says Media Analyst Charles Steele. “There are numerous parallels between the GOP debates and wrestling: excessive drama, an oversimplification of good and evil, and of course, resolving all problems with a good old fashioned ass kicking. There’s no question ‘GOP Commando’ will be a hit…and it might just produce our future President.

BREAKING: Trump’s Toupee Resigns Over Remarks towards Muslims

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Dec 102015
 

BREAKING: Trump’s Toupee Resigns Over Remarks towards Muslims

By Shahid Mansouri

@Theokranews

donald-trump-hairNew York (NY)—A fox used regularly as a toupee for Republican nominee Donald Trump left his presidential campaign and is now learning Islam according to multiple sources.  Dirk, a red-haired fox who for the past 8 months had been sitting on Mr. Trump’s head quietly to cover his receding hairline apparently had been very disgusted with the billionaire’s latest comments on banning Muslim immigrants to the United States. The animal decided to part ways with his former employer.”

“I was appalled and offended by Donald’s fierce rhetoric on Muslims,” said Dirk. “Last week while I was sitting quietly on his head pretending to be his hair-piece, his derogatory rhetoric really got to me. I knew right then I had to leave.” While the resignation was somewhat amicable between Dirk and the Trump campaign, most constituents were somewhat surprised the canine decided to study Islam. He is currently at the Islamic Society of Bay Ridge in Brooklyn studying the basics under Imam Abdel Tariq. “I’m not rebelling or sticking it to him [Trump]. I am doing what any fox would do; I am researching the subject before I express an opinion.”

Criticism against Trump has been swift and harsh. GOP candidates Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush as well as Speaker of the House Paul Ryan and former Vice-President Dick Cheney were quick to denounce his apparent discrimination. White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest later challenged the Republican candidates and said Trump’s proposal “disqualifies him from serving as President,” calling him a carnival baker with fake hair. While Dirk admitted Trump was certainly not a bad guy off camera, he has been rather loud and obnoxious with his radical views for quite some time. He also doesn’t have real hair.

"I couldn't take the blatant Muslim profiling anymore" said Dirk.

“I couldn’t take the blatant Muslim profiling anymore” said Dirk.

This is not the first time an animal was paid to sit on Donald Trump’s head terminated their employment with him. In 2011, a minx refused to do his job when Trump defended police brutality. In 2013, a spray painted raccoon complained how Trump referred to him as the “coon.”  And earlier this year a Mexican chinchilla almost came to physical blows with Trump after the wealthy New York businessman “playfully” asked him if he could mow his lawn. Despite such reported allegations, the Trump Camp has denied the incidents.

“All animals who have nested on the head of Donald Trump and acted as a toupee were always given the proper respect and paid well for their services,” said Natalie Regent, Deputy of Communications for Trump’s presidential campaign. “These are false allegations once again which have been made against Mr. Trump for selfish reasons. He loves animals.” Regent did not comment on Dirk’s replacement, but insisted there were plenty who were seeking the job including a possum and Siamese cat, though there was a concern to the length of their hair.

Dirk has been working on a book called “Hanging with White ISIS”, which accounts his experience with Donald Trump and his supporters. He also plans to spend time touring the country and visiting Islamic Centers. So far he’s been impressed by Muslims Americans. As for a return to a career in acting as a red toupee, Dirk says he has no plans at the moment. But if the opportunity comes up, he will be more careful. “I will be selective and pick individuals who are open-minded and accepting.” There are a lot of crazy people out there. I don’t need to support them.”

 

BCS Finds Life Again with Pre-Season Terrorist Top 10

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Aug 202015
 
BCS Terrorists

BCS Finds Life Again with Pre-Season Terrorist Top 10

By Sheraz Khan

@TheOkranews

 

BCS TerroristsNew York (NY)—The Bowl Championship Series (BCS) officially listed its Top 10 terrorists for the 2015-2016 season. To no surprise, ISIL took top honors and will be ranked for the upcoming year as the #1 team in the world.

The Bowl Championship Series (BCS), a selection system used to create the five major annual matchups in college football, was discontinued by the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) in 2014 after 15 seasons. However, after a one year lay-off, state governments decided to revitalize the computational application this past June, insistent on using a more effective method to determine the best terrorist organizations in the world.

“It really is a new chapter in our program,” said Tom Mickelson, Vice-President of Operations for the BCS. “We kind of new our days were numbered with the NCAA because of the controversies our system rendered throughout the years. But we believe the BCS still has a place to fill in society and are more than honored to rank the best terrorists in the world.”

While BCS committee members would not elaborate on the complex algorithm used to determine this season’s terrorist rankings, they did confirm that the amount of bloodshed, number of fatalities and casualties as well as regional impact of fear were not the only factors used to determine the order. “Our mathematical process also included the variable levels of annoyance, aloofness, defiance, bantering, and arguing for no reason or stating bizarre uncorroborated statements,” said Sheila McBride, Senior Vice-President of Communications for the BCS. However, she would not comment on a possible change to the BCS name, from ‘BCS’ to ‘TCS’ or Terrorist Championship Series. Rankings as of August 21:

Week 1 Ranking

August 8

Recognized Terrorist Organization

Opponent Week 1

United Nations Poll

1

ISIL

Civilization

1

2

White Supremacists

Black Church, Tulsa, OK

2

3

Yisrael Beiteinu PP (Israel)

Hamas

5

4

English Defense League (UK)

London Muslims

6

5

Boko Haram

St. Mary’s All-Girls school Kano, Nigeria

4

6

Donald Trump

Mexico

7

7

Lion Hunters

Mufasa

10

8

FOX News

A Brain

3

9

Gay Muslims

God

9

10

Movie Shooters

Bye

8

*Game will air 8pm (EST), Saturday on FOX and will be played 24 hours a day for the next 7 days. Check local listings for channel.

Not entering the BCS rankings and slipping out of the United Nations top 10 poll for the first time in 13 years was Al-Qaeda, considered the “Alabama of global terrorism” in the previous decade. With the loss of Taliban support and the rise of ISIL, the worldwide sleeper-cell organization has been in a rebuilding phase for much of the past few years. “It’s been tough and rather hard for the fans who expect us to compete for the title each year,” said Abdul Muhammad Ibn Zaqiri, Counter-Offensive Destruction Coordinator. “But we have some good 5 star recruits that have given us their commitment to join and want to be a part of the Al-Qaeda terrorist legacy.” Others not making the top 10 ranking were the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Columbia (FARQ), the Jewish Defense League (JDL) and Confederate Flag advocates.

During the discussion of his recruiting class which includes the #3, #5 and #17 best young terrorists of 2016, ISIL head coach, Yasir “Papa Bear” El-Fadhli said in a press conference today his team is ready but is still trying to take each week with realistic expectations. “Are we good? Absolutely,” said El-Fadhli. “But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Nobody gets an award as the #1 team during the first week of the season. It’s how you finish that counts.”

 

Aziz Ansari the New Spokesperson for Muslims in America? It’s Worth a Shot An Op-ed piece from the Okra

 ENTERTAINMENT, POLITICS, RELIGION  Comments Off on Aziz Ansari the New Spokesperson for Muslims in America? It’s Worth a Shot An Op-ed piece from the Okra
Feb 122015
 

Aziz Ansari the New Spokesperson for Muslims in America? It’s Worth a Shot

An Op-ed piece from the Okra

@TheOkraNews

 AzizYes he’s an atheist. He probably couldn’t quote you any verse from the Quran or how to get to the local mosque in his neighborhood. He’s not going to be an honorary member of CAIR anytime soon. The only fasting he may have done for the last 10 years is a 24-hour cleanse most likely to get in shape for some blockbuster movie he’ll be co-starring. And The Hajj for him might be some quaint bar in Santa Barbara.  But God, come on! If there is one person out there who could possibly pacify most Americans completely clueless about Muslims or filled with the fury of Islamaphobia, it’s this guy. Aziz Ansari—born and bred in South Carolina. For the small minority that don’t bother plugging into any form of social media, Aziz is a comedian by trade, but also a big actor, known for playing the sly and sarcastic government official on NBC’s Parks and Recreations. He’s one of Judd Apatow’s boys. He might be a feminist too but that’s not important here. What we do know of him is the 31 year-old, who was raised as a Muslim, in a Muslim family, is famous; far more famous than any American Muslim albeit he’s not technically a Muslim. But does it matter?

Last month Ansari took on Australian media mogul Rupert Murdoch when the latter tweeted all Muslims should be held responsible for the actions of extremists. Not surprisingly, in Murdoch’s demented and senile world, the entire Muslim population is liable for the antics of say, ISIS. Ansari’s response was brilliant: “Rups can we get a step by step guide? How many 60 year old parents in NC help destroy terrorist groups? Plz advise.” But it didn’t stop there. Ansari went on the verbal tirade following that up by two more tweets which said: “rupertmurdoch you are Catholic, why are you not hunting pedophiles?” and “rupertmurdoch is responsible for all pedophilia committed by anyone Catholic. @rupertmurdoch why are you pro-pedophile :(“ Touché. Plenty of responses and retweets.

The irony is something did happen in North Carolina this past Tuesday—and it had nothing to with the Jihadists but more with a hateful American who decided to put a bullet in the heads of three young promising Muslims because he allegedly got into a dispute over a parking spot. Yeah right. We’re not stupid. And neither is Aziz. He obviously is a smart dude; the kind you can hang with and laugh, but not in a stoner way. His strongest weapon is his wit. It’s cunning if it was ever evil. But thankfully he uses it to generate applause throughout the country. There is a lack of those qualities in most Muslims as by default our nature tends to become more consciously aware of our non-Muslim surroundings transforming us into introverts.  Even some of our best and brightest shine only in front of Muslim faces. Isolation among the common folk creates safety and confidence. But it doesn’t do anything to the scared and unaware.

Some might argue that even if Ansari was Muslim, his shtick is too provocative to be accepted as an accurate representation of Muslim etiquette. Justifiably, if one has watched his comedy, the vulgarity is forthright, demeaning in some ways. He’s no Richard Pryor or Katt Williams. But Aziz can catch the conservative off guard with some scathing monologue sure to create some anger. Well, so what? Would we be happier with stoic solemn gentlemen who discuss Muslim problems with Americans on television through comprehensive religious opinions conveyed through a lukewarm monotone voice? Or do we want someone zany who understands the communicative nuances of people and can provide remediation, calm, logic and most importantly laughter to a nation that is filled with Islamaphobic paranoia?  Our gut relies on scholars to bail us out when things go sour. But scholars are meant to preach, not work the room. They don’t live in the perplexing and dangerous media vacuum. One could refute handing the reigns to a celebrity as a desperate move to appease and that a Muslim convert perhaps could do a better job. It’s possible. Yet, in a society filled with 24X7 infatuation of big names and the far too exaggerated assumptions in which mediums such as Instagram and Twitter can make them much more intimate with their fans, a celebrity status is more than just the pre-requisite. It’s a condition in which Pavlov would be proud of ringing the bell.

Based on what we know of Aziz Ansari, the last thing he wants is to wear the crown of appointed spokesmen for a religion which he gave back to his parents. He’s got no legitimate ties to Islam and probably would want to avoid any affiliation to faith-based patriotism which tends to drown you in deep waters especially in Hollywood. But his sardonic remarks to Murdoch demonstrated he’s not willing to look the other way when blatant insults are hurled at people who tend to be the scapegoat on anything which explodes. For Aziz to accept such responsibility would be hard although he’s more than aware of how Islam operates and could probably do simple arithmetic in front of Muslim bashers to convince them the two assailants in the Charlie Hebdo attack couldn’t have gotten their orders from one billion followers much less sympathy for their stupidity.

Maybe one day, the chosen one, our very own Jedi will come—the complete package of an American Muslim who engages with this country both from a newsworthy and entertainment perspective, ala Jon Stewart (RIP from The Daily Show). He or she can shower the country with remarkable control and virtuosity, charming them with truth while dismantling the lies and prejudice. Aziz Ansari, as comical and cartoonish as he may look and sound, is the perfect blend of representation without the bravado and stuffiness which stereotype many Islamic figureheads. Yes, we know. He’s an atheist! But he’s tolerant and presumably has a soft spot for Islam. So give him the badge of honor with a microphone and let him speak. The next Muslim hate crime is right around the corner and we need to be ready with some star power. And if Aziz doesn’t work out, we can always ask Jon Stewart. He needs a job anyways.

 

English Band Quraan Quraan Spreads Music to Bring Peace to Europe-Denounce ‘No Go Zones’

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Jan 222015
 

English Band Quraan Quraan Spreads Music to Bring Peace to Europe-Denounce ‘No Go Zones’

By Zahra Ahmed

@theokranews

Quraan QuraanLondon—In the wake of the most recent violence in France, which has led some to falsely accuse the religion of Islam as the catalyst to international terrorism, a group of young Muslims has decided to fight back through the use of music and harmony. England’s new sensation, Quraan Quraan is sending a message through their melodic new indie wave sound that Islam is not the problem, but isolated lunatics are the main drivers of destruction.

Quraan Quraan (pronounced Qur-aan Qur-aan)who hails from Birmingham, decided to form the group almost a year ago, after witnessing social unrest particularly within London’s Muslim communities due to accusations from right-wing activists such as Tim Ablitt of the English Defense League and atheist Richard Dawkins of spreading sharia law and bloodshed. The rock trio stated that while they avoid intense confrontations against those who oppose the viability of Islam, propaganda machines which create any form of racism and discrimination have to be stopped. Quraan Quraan referred to recent remarks from Louisiana Governor and fellow coconut Bobby Jindal on alleged ‘No Go Zones’ in which Muslim neighborhoods were autonomously governing themselves, as a massive lie and smear campaign towards Islam in the West.

“We’re using music to spread the word to the masses that we’re cool people and we don’t support any type of attacks on anyone from anyone,” said drummer and song-writer Haithum Al-Mansouri. “We want everyone to get along and we’re dedicating our songs for peace.” Quraan Quraan came up with the name from the love they had for legendary band Duran Duran (who ironically are also from Birmingham), and allegedly not from the Imam at their local mosque who had a speech impediment by repeating certain words twice.

While music has been considered forbidden in Islam by many scholars, most Muslims with brains and common sense have supported it for many years. The evolution of upcoming Muslim bands in the genres of jazz, hip-hop and rock music became inevitable with the rise of Hall of Fame musical artists, Cat Stevens, now Yusuf Islam. Quraan Quraan feels they are continuing on the tradition of artists such as Peter Gabriel, U2 and Paul Simon by conveying social issues and advocating peace through their music.

“We’re certainly not the first band to cry out for justice,” said Waleed Amjad, 27, bassist for the band who begins their European tour next week in Berlin. “But we’re going to make sure that Muslims get their voices heard through our songs.” Their debut song “Hungry for Al-Mulk” is set to release on January 30th.

 

Police in Several States Make Amends with Minorities: Commemorating January as Reverse Profiling Month

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Dec 182014
 

Police in Several States Make Amends with Minorities: Commemorating January as Reverse Profiling Month

By Hasan Mahfouz

@theokranews

police harrassment-CoverLos Angeles (CA)—not to be lumped with the CIA and the latest torture scandal plaguing the organization in recent weeks, police officers in six states will be honoring January as “White Ain’t Right Month”. The campaign created and endorsed by the Law Enforcement and Protection Agency of America will provide Caucasian males between the ages of 16 and 55 the same harassment and physical abuse many African, Latino and Muslim-Americans receive on a daily basis.  

“We understand there has been a lot of unexpected racial tension and violence,” said Deputy Commissioner Jamie Dirks of the Los Angeles Police Department at a press conference held Thursday morning. But we’re here to tell everyone we want to be recognized as an equal opportunity service when it comes to getting your head bashed in.” Dirks, who provided no comment to the November decision of no-indictment to Officer Darren Wilson, accused of killing 18 year-old Michael Brown which led to demonstrations throughout the word, said while he is beamingly confident more “spooks, wetbacks and ragheads will get their fair share of jail time,” he wanted to provide assurance for ethnicities that there would be an increase in white harassment.  “Please know we are doing what we can to avoid the race card, by giving empathy when we unleash on one of our own for kicks. It is our good faith gesture to you.”

2014 has been a difficult year for African-Americans and minorities with police in the United States. Asides from the Ferguson unrest that had gripped the country for much of the summer and fall, the death of Staten Island resident Eric Garner made headlines due to an alleged choke-hold by New York police officer Daniel Pantaleo, who also was later not indicted took national attention.  In addition, more outrage commenced in Cleveland this past month when further information was disclosed on the killing of 12 year-old Tamir Rice who also was shot by a police officer. Likewise, former Chicago Police Commander John Burge who was convicted of perjury for allegedly torturing 100 African-Americans is reportedly being released from jail after serving only 4 years in prison. With an exorbitant amount of pressure and appearing desperate, law enforcement agencies are trying to demonstrate fairness by scrutinizing the largest demographic.

A pilot launch of White Ain’t Right had already been initiated as a warm-up to next month’s commemoration. In suburban Houston, 6 men, all Caucasian were arrested last Sunday night for drunken and disorderly conduct at a bar after the Dallas Cowboys game. Typically they would be patted on the back and sent home by taxi, but officers on call allegedly tazed four of the offenders while hog-tying the other two and placing them in the back of their squad car. In Detroit, Arabs and African-Americans looked on while local police pulled over several college students from the University of Michigan, requested for the driver to show proof of insurance, then ripped up the documents and hauled them in for attempted assault and battery. “We are trying to show everyone you don’t have to be black, brown or yellow to get the shit beaten of out of them. A level playing field for everyone, especially during the Holliday season, is our way of giving back to the community.”

African-Americans protest the killing of Trayvon Martin.

African-Americans protest the killing of Trayvon Martin.

The White Aint Right program has not only been supported by police departments. Right-Wing coalitions like the Heritage House have championed the cause and are looking to raise money for next year’s campaign with donations that would expand the program in more than 30 states. The heavily watched and racially biased television show Cops will be airing new Caucasian-only incidents and arrests for the remainder of the month including a 12 hour serial-killers marathon on New Year’s Eve. Coincidentally, just about all serial killers in the United States have historically been Caucasian. However, not everyone is happy with the outcome. Muslim groups such as the Council of American Islamic Relations (CAIR) and the Islamic Circle of North America (ICNA) have denounced the reverse harassment program stating the campaign objectives are nothing more than enforcing and recognizing police gestapo tactics but not addressing the issues which have plagued minorities. The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) sent out a press release Thursday condemning such harsh tactics and discrediting any notion of police equality among all Americans.

“This is basically a plan concocted by several high level officials who were drunk in a bar one night,” said Teresa Sampson, Vice-President of Communications and Public Relations for the NAACP. “How on Earth does this help Black America, much less any other minority group in this country?”

Surprisingly, according to a Global Research report, much of the recent police enforcement training which have raised the level of intensity in crime-fighting and counter-terrorism has been conducted through privately funded seminars in Israel where combat-ready tactics have become fiercer and deadlier.

Muslims Flee in Groves to Canada after GOP Takes Control Over House and Senate

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Nov 062014
 

Muslims Flee in Groves to Canada after GOP Takes Control Over House and Senate

By Ray Hamza

@TheOkraNews

#MuslimsLoveRepublicans

Muslims to CanadaDC—Just hours after Tuesday night’s announcement that Republicans would have majority control over the House of Representatives and Senate, American Muslims began to pack their bags, rent out their homes and drive to the only country which they consider safe—Canada.

“I’m not going to deal with this shit again,” said Selmaan Ansari, Press Secretary of the Islamic Action Committee for Political Rights (IACPR) at its Georgetown headquarters, referring to the 2002 GOP controlled Congress which spiked an increase of Muslim discrimination, profiling and Senator John McCain publicly singing “Bomb Iran” a parody to the Beach Boys 1965 cover classic “Barbara Ann.” Ansari echoed sentiments by many Islamic organizations who have been subtly requesting a short hiatus for all Muslims to leave the United States and head to the Great White North.  “Look, I know it’s not convenient for many of us who are working and raising families in this country. But do we really want to hear the incessant banter about the invasion of Sharia law and supposed new Al-Qaeda high school recruits from this obnoxious bunch for the next two years? Not me. I hear Winnipeg is lovely in Spring.”

While the GOP is not the only political party that has frowned upon the rise of Islam in the United States, it’s safe to say that all the others are GOP affiliates. From Oklahoma Rep. John Bennett cautioning people to be “wary” of Muslims, to Rep. Renee Ellmers of North Carolina equating all Muslim-Americans with the terrorists who committed the September 11th attacks, the Right has not been a friend to many. Mid-term key victories by Republicans this past week have created stress and paranoia for many Muslims who don’t want to be a part of another Spanish Inquisition.

“Right now I’m not thinking about the economy or the loss on financial aid for education. I’m thinking on how fast I can get to the Canadian border,” said Arif Hania, a mechanical engineer for Kimberley Clark and a resident of Savannah, Georgia. “Because tomorrow, Congress will pass a law that being a Muslim is anti-American and all the red-necks this part of the country are going to get medieval on me real quick.”

“While we advocate democracy and comply by the laws of this fine country with regards to the liberty of voting and free elections, we also recognize the need to get the hell out of here,” said Ibrahim Khan, President of the United Alliance of Muslim Americans (UAMA) in Phoenix. UAMA held a press release Thursday morning concerned with the impact a Republican led Congress (the largest number of seats since WWII) would do to Islam in America. Khan stressed the anxiety Muslims have had with the GOP citing a 2013 article in the Washington Times which reported the lack of trust between the two. “Honestly, I’m sure many Republican politicians have no issues with Muslims. But they usually make a cattle-call to all the nuts in this country firing them up with crazy rhetoric on American values and the need to maintain the evangelical way. That’s how they get votes.”

In Ottawa, the Canadian Parliament was overwhelmed and dumbfounded by the sudden influx of Muslims. Many were surprised by the large numbers crossing the border, with some immediately looking for jobs. “I guess we’re flattered, eh?” said Brian LeClaire, a member of the New Democratic Party Caucus in Manitoba who was unaware of the now labelled, American-Muslim Diaspora. “I’ve been getting a lot of calls from border patrol complaining of cars backed up for 10 miles fighting to get in. “Finally Canada is getting respect.”

Not all Muslims decided to take an absence of leave in another country. The Mumin mosque of Pittsburgh is encouraging people to stay and work with the fresh batch of incoming Republican Congressmen in order to eradicate usual stereotypes and misconceptions of Islam. After prayer services on Wednesday night, Imam Muhammad Al-Sheikh spoke on the necessity for all Muslims to stay in the United States and to continue the endeavor of working with everyone regardless of denomination or political party. Only two people were in attendance.

 

Ben Affleck Converts to Islam after Maher Debate According to Reports

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Oct 092014
 

Ben Affleck Converts to Islam after Maher Debate According to Reports

By Taaraz ‘TJ’ Zakhif

@TheOkranews

#Gonegirl

AP REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER A ENT USA CABoston (MA)—Reports actor and director Ben Affleck has converted to Islam generated uncanny social media applause and rave throughout the Muslim community despite no confirmation from a credible source.

Affleck, who last week went head to head on the topic of Islam and extremism with comedian, critic and all-around Islam hater Bill Maher on his HBO show Real Time with Bill Maher, never acknowledged himself as a Muslim. But by sporting a scruffy beard and using frequent hand gestures to make a point as is common in many Middle Eastern countries, rumors quickly swirled the 42 year-old celebrity had taken a new leap of faith. Muslims organizations took little time in proclaiming the exciting but unsubstantiated news.

“We are so thrilled Ben has decided to become a Muslim!” said ISNA public relations manager Talha Badwani. “Bill thought he was going to pull a fast one on our brother, but Hadrat Affleck kept them in check. How you like me now?!”

The Affleck-Maher debate has become the latest trend streaming through the Internet. Intense  coverage complimented with thousands of comments have been posted on a myriad of media outlets reacting to Maher’s fiery negative rhetoric on Islam which did not subscribe to his liberal platform . Affleck refuted passionately and sharply towards Maher’s remarks as well as other guest and critic Sam Harris, who called Islam “the motherlode of bad ideas.”

“What is your solution? To condemn Islam?” Affleck later questioned Maher and Harris, atheists known for ridiculing religion, but particular fondness of verbally abusing a religion of over 1 billion followers. For many Muslims, Affleck echoed a voice of reason which somehow snowballed into gossip of his conversion ad swiftly made its ways from community centers to mosques throughout the country.

“We’re pretty sure he became a Muslim as of last week,” said Imam Feisal Ataullah of the Islamic Center of North Texas in Richardson, TX. “70% of the non-Muslims who speak with such emotion are always a Muslim.”  While that made no sense, Affleck, who starred in such movies as The Town, Argo and Good Will Hunting for which he won an Oscar for Best Original Screenplay had also studied Middle Eastern affairs at Occidental College. To Ataullah the trivial knowledge of his education was just the cherry on top in his assumption Affleck had turned to Islam.  “Yeah I know he hasn’t taken the shahada (Islamic creed declaring the belief in one God), but come on, he’s so damn close!”

At least one news service wasted no time in declaring Affleck a Muslim. On the October 7th edition of Fox News’ Fox & Friends, co-host Steve Doocy and guest Dr. Zuhdi Jasser accused Affleck for “for arguing against charges that Islam is uniquely prone to violence and extremism,” referring to him as “Imam Ben Affleck.” As Jasser, a cardiologist, founder of the American Islamic forum for Democracy and a terrific asshole despised by the Muslim community wanted to denigrate Affleck, he ironically added more gasoline to the Affleck conversion suspicions which to some made it official.

“Never in a thousand years would I ever believe Fox,” said Maher Siyaf, Director of Outreach Development for Orange County Islamic Foundation.  “But this is too juicy to not believe. We love you Ben!”

Affleck’s publicist Ken Sunshine has denied any truth to the rumors of him becoming a Muslim, calling it yet another stunt by social media to rile society into more controversy. But he also didn’t deny another report which claims Affleck will be opening for Cat Stevens on his Winter tour later this year. Sunshine stated Affleck hasn’t made a decision.

Oct 022014
 
abdullah

Zebras on Parade: How a Monday Night Officiating Crew Brought Islam Forever into America’s Greatest Game

By Yunus Ansari

@TheOkraNews

#HusainAbdullahNFL

abdullahYou have to practically be Gandhi-like in order to love an officiating crew. The sport is irrelevant. It could be Ping-Pong. If there is an umpire, official, a judge, odds are someone, if not many, are going to have an underlying animosity towards them. They’re blind as bats we’d like to say. Back in the day when people actually got together for games at homes or bars, there was always bonding over how much a referee blew a call. There was the time when 12-year-old Yankee fan Jeffrey Maier assisted in Derick Jeter’s catchable hit by interfering in Orioles Tony Tarasco’s catch. The kid basically went down low to grab the ball and in front of the right fielder’s glove. Umpires called it a homerun. Maradonna’s Hand of God goal in the 1986 World Cup quarterfinal; he obviously touched the ball. But the ref never called it. England will never forget. And of course there is the 2000 Music City Miracle, when during the playoffs, the Tennessee Titans allegedly threw an illegal forward pass, but was ruled a lateral by the line judge which resulted in (yet another) disaster for the Buffalo Bills. These were huge, once in a lifetime moments. Not all plays have such an impact—but the feeling of an alleged blown call at any level is comparable. The not-so irony is most of the time, the refs are correct. They have to be otherwise they couldn’t do their jobs.

In recent years, Twitter and Instagram have allowed for the vortex of tweets and posts to demonize them. One demographic who surly has no issues demonstrating their passion for sports not to mention scapegoating the officiating crew is the beloved Muslim community. Now comfortably established as a second generation in this country, Muslims are as passionate as anyone when it comes to sports. They live and breathe it. They cheer when they win. They cry when they lose. They don’t like each other. You ever been to a Michigan-Ohio State game? It applies to Muslims too. Only in America—and it’s beautiful. And just like many Americans, they blame the refs rather prematurely and quite often. Scan your Muslim sports enthusiasts on your newsfeed and it’s guaranteed many will complain shamelessly about the officiating. Never mind his team is losing by 50 points in the 4th. You cannot avoid the backlash that is generated from the feeling of frustration. So when Kansas City Chiefs safety Husain Abdullah intercepted a careless Tom Brady pass, ran it back to the house for a meaningless touchdown and performed a sajadah last Monday night only to be called for unsportsmanlike conduct, two things unfolded: 1. A social media riot; and 2. The new connection with Islam and the NFL.

Like riding a psychotic horse which reverses its course and runs back towards the burning barn, things got crazy. Scores of Muslims were upset by what they saw as a condescending Islamaphobic assault. They derided the call and pointed at former Florida Gator great but NFL bust Tim Tebow who often would kneel and show his gratitude towards the heavens after scoring. They avoided any transparency by declaring Abdullah’s actions as an indictment (though not an attack) on Islam.  Once again the zebras were on the hunt—and all because of a mistake.

Sean-Smith--21--Husain-Abdullah--39-jpgBut when one sits back and takes it all in can the moment be magical. Abdullah’s gesture was not just a celebration. It was a revelation. For perhaps the first time on one of the biggest stages, millions of Americans witnessed a Muslim’s humility by dropping to his knees and paying his respects to God. The act itself showed commonality among many who hold religion and sports sacred. It showed virtue and conviction of a higher power. It even silenced the conservatives, anti-Islamists, Bill Maher and Fox news for a minute. Abdullah prostrating in the end zone echoed a sentiment that an individual cannot be scorned or vindicated for being thankful, only adored. Andy Reid, head coach of the Kansas City Chiefs later obscurely said about Abdullah:

“When you go to Mecca, you should be able to slide wherever you want,” Reid said after the game. “We’ve got two priests in here. They’d probably vouch for me.” We’re not sure exactly what he meant. But a ballpark interpretation would be that Reid supported Abdullah’s right to bow his head to the Almighty after a great play. As far as the far-fetched assumptions, some Muslims were trying to rally around, let’s review them:

  • The call was made out of rejection. In reality the refs probably had no idea what a sajadah was up close and personal. They were baffled and deduced Abdullah’s move as breaking an NFL rule which reprimands any player who drops to his knees in an act of celebration.
  • The NFL prohibited Abdullah’s prayers. In reality, the NFL allows a spiritual nod or signal. It has for decades. Within hours of the game the NFL overruled the call on the field. No monetary or disciplinary fine was given.
  • The NFL demonstrated hypocrisy by allowing certain religious movement to be acceptable while punishing others. In reality, neither the NFL nor the officials were knowledgeable about prostrating to God in Islam. They plead ignorance not vindictiveness. There was no double standard. That can only happen if the league purposely punished Abdullah knowing well his celebration was religious. The Council on American Islamic Relations immediately notified the NFL last Tuesday and insisted the policy on prayer should be clarified. The NFL admitted the error and apologized.

Who knows if a Muslim ever gets the chance to celebrate religiously again and if the refs make another “mistake.” Maybe. Odds are it will be a long time before another one scores in football. NBA Muslim players, all two of them, don’t celebrate after points because there is no time to celebrate. And there are no self-acknowledging Muslims in professional baseball. But it doesn’t matter. History was made on Monday Night Football.  The NFL and other sports organizations now have an obligation to teach, as laughable as it may sound, religion in their officiating programs. It also means fans and advocacy groups can’t get riled up towards the officials. Give them time to figure it out. The best thing to do is to go back and blame the zebras for all the other botched calls they intentionally plan to make next Sunday—and thank them for bringing Islam to the game.