Media Outlets Furious Ethiopian Hijacker Was Not Muslim

 POLITICS  Comments Off on Media Outlets Furious Ethiopian Hijacker Was Not Muslim
Feb 212014

Media Outlets Furious Ethiopian Hijacker Was Not Muslim

By Riaz Hamzavi


SWITZERLAND-ETHIOPIA-HIJACKINGWashington (DC)—Despite the relief many Muslims felt when it was confirmed the man who attempted to hijack an Ethiopian airlines flight this past Monday, was not a Muslim, many media outlets were upset by the outcome.

“I cannot tell you how much time we spent, how many cue cards we wrote up, so we could be ready to take down yet another terrorist. Then we find out he’s not Muslim!” said Max Hellstrom, co-executive producer for Fox News Washington. “Here’s a toast to the good old days when we could count on one of these nuts to take over a plane and give us plenty of stories to get ratings.”

Hellstrom was not alone in his disappointment. The Associated Press cited more than 60 complaints from global media sources angry the thirty-something Ethiopian assailant, who also was the co-pilot on the flight, had no ties to Islam.

“When this broke, we were so excited, said Byron Hathaway, Senior Vice-President of Digital Content for, the conservative online media organization based in Tampa. “Muslim articles were kind of in a lull ever since the Boston Marathon died down. I was hoping this was going to be the return of Islamaphobia so we could all listen to the hits one more time. It would have been fun and trippy—like seeing a Black Sabbath reunion.”

However, the right-wing press was not the only side upset on the non-Muslim hijacking. CNN was a “little stunned” with the discovery of the man’s religious profile.  “There were so many re-writes to do that our editing team was pissed,” said Brendan Anderson, a senior writer for Wolf Blitzer’s show, The Situation Room. He made mention of a new three hour segment the network had produced in 72 hours about Islamic attacks on airplanes called “Please Don’t Fasten Your Seatbelts: We’re Never Landing.”

“I’m not going to say we’re stereotyping Muslims when it comes to hijackings. But I do think we like to hedge our bets a little and go for the obvious choice,” said Brian Strazzante. “It’s kind of like picking the Yankees to go to the World Series every year. It’s not guaranteed. But come on—it’s the Yankees. You wouldn’t expect anything less from them.”

Racial profiling and discrimination towards Muslims at airport has been on a decline for the past 5 years. While some media personalities such as Emmy Award winner Juan Williams and all-around bigoted bitch Anne Coulter had been vocal with their opinions on flying the un-friendly skies with Muslims on board, the loosening of TSA profiling coupled with advanced security screening has eased many passenger concerns with safety.

Still, Margaret George, a research analyst for the popular London news source, The Guardian says, there’s always sense in beating a dead horse. “It’s so much easier when it’s the same ethnic or religious group that conducts a crime. It makes our lives as journalists easier because then we don’t have to fact-check. The name of the game is speed, not accuracy.” George also stipulated that because the hijacker was not a Muslim and only wanted asylum in Switzerland (even though he threatened to crash the plane), news of the incident was short-lived because it didn’t have that brand to make it sensational. “When you say Chanel, I think of perfume. When you say hijack, I think of Islam. It’s a marketed commodity. Cheers.”

Apparently the only news station which had no problems with the story of the non-Muslim Ethiopian hijacker was New York’s Atlantis Cable News (ACN), However, ACN is a fictitious television network created by Aaron Sorkin which was on HBO for two seasons before it was cancelled. Reports have surfaced the show was terminated because it was purely objective and told the truth in all circumstances of a story, which to many within the business was a complete fabrication of reality.