BREAKING NEWS: Santa Claus Prays with Muslims at Friday Congregation

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Dec 192013
 

BREAKING NEWS: Santa Claus Prays with Muslims at Friday Congregation

santa and muslim kidsTroy, MI — In what surly turned heads and opened mouths in astonishment, a 49 year-old Muslim man attended Friday prayers donning a classic Santa outfit.

Kamran Bashir, a Senior Electrical Engineer for Motorola, walked into the Islamic Association of Greater Detroit in Rochester Hills out of breath and wearing the red sash clothes made famous by the fictional Kris Kringle, better known to people all over the world, as Santa Claus.

“I didn’t know what to make of it,” said Imam Faidi Tamim. “Here we are getting into the deep discussion on the importance of giving during the Holliday season when Santa Claus pops in. Strange.”

“Who does he think he is?!” said Mustak Patel, a regular on Fridays. “If he thinks he’s getting milk and cookies, he’s got another thing coming.”

Bashir had spent his morning buying Holliday gifts for colleagues at the Sunset Plaza Center in Troy when he noticed a handful of people complaining santamuslimkids2at the Winter Festival kiosk that the Santa Claus which the mall hires out each year for children to visit and provide their list of toys, was absent. Mall authorities were later informed the hired Santa help, Sean Richter, 47, of Royal Oak, had been on a 12 hour bender of binge drinking and was extremely hungover to attend the event.

With upset children and a growing number of frustrated parents, Bashir sprung into action and asked if he could act as the temporary Santa. Superviser of store operations Kirk Nelson said they didn’t have much of a choice despite the awkwardness. “In hindsight I don’t think he would have been our first pick, considering he doesn’t look like any of the Santas we’ve had in years past,” said Nelson who politely inferred that Bashir was brown as opposed to the traditional caucasian Santa, which ironically, became a heated media controversy last week when Fox News anchor Megyn Kelley humorously stated on her segment that Santa was indeed, a white person. But Nelson applauded Bashir’s help. “He really did come through. I mean there were other men here who could have done it, but no one stepped up to the plate. To me, he’s a hero for all the kids.”

Bashir, who became so absorbed in the role of playing Santa, realized he was running late to Friday prayers (commonly referred to as Jummah) and got into his car and drove to the mosque not aware he was still wearing the outfit. “I totally forgot what I was wearing, until I ran into the prayer room and everyone looked at me in horror,” said a bewildered Bashir. “I tried to play it cool and ignore the stares but I was getting flushed. Plus its so hot wearing that beard. Very unpleasant.”

Indian Santa ClauseAfter the sermon and prayers concluded, Bashir, now the first Muslin on record to have prayed in a Santa Claus outfit, attempted to get out of the room as quickly as possible but was mobbed by children, all requesting gifts. The scene turned into a frenzy as some men and women scolded him, insisting that he leave with his “reindeers before they throw him down a chimney.”

However, as most of the adults eventually departed, some mothers kept their kids around to meet and speak with Bashir. “Honestly, at the end of the day, Santa Claus is more for the kids than any religious reference,” Halima Wajeed, a resident of Bloomfield Hills. “People just need to relax a little bit. Besides, as a Muslim, Kamran was doing he is duty. There is no clause, no pun intended, that says he can’t pray as Santa. ”

Bashir says he has no plans anytime soon of becoming a regular Santa at Sunset Plaza, but that if they need him he’s ready on standby, just so long as its not on Friday.

BREAKING NEWS: HIJABI GIRLS ARRESTED FOR ORGANIZING ‘CALL ME MAYBE’ FLASH MOB AT EID

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Oct 162013
 

BREAKING NEWS: HIJABI GIRLS ARRESTED FOR ORGANIZING ‘CALL ME MAYBE’ FLASH MOB AT EID

By Farookh Balsarah

Orlando, FL—Six girls ages 15 to 17 were arrested this morning after an organized flash mob orchestrated moments after the Eid Prayers turned chaotic when a handful of elderly men decided to shut it down.

hijabi girl arrested eidSisters Raila and Naznene Khan, Hoda Al-Kartawi, Hayat Katranji, Leila Yusuf, and Samreen Majeed, all sophomores and juniors at Lakeland High school were charged with disturbing the peace after they began a choreographed dance to Carli Jensen’s smash hit of 2012 “Call Me Maybe.” The girls, who all wore hijab, decided to conduct a flash mob once they researched that dance, according to a small hadith from 9th-century Islamic scholar, from Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal, who referenced the Prophet and one of his wives observing a group of Abyssinian Christians performing a modest dance inside a mosque, and watched without objection.

“I don’t see what the problem is!” said Yusuf, an honors student, who was crying along with the other “conspirators” as they were handcuffed by Orlando Police. “It says that it’s OK to dance! Eid is so boring—what is wrong with bringing a little joy to it?” She went on to refer the majority of scholars who cite the Hanbal hadith say it permits dancing so long as there is no alcohol, no gender mixing, and not doing it excessively. “Muslims never read the fine print! All they want to do is to cut it up and keep things as vanilla as possible. What is wrong with you people?!”

The Eid Prayers, held bi-annually at the Jama masjid, began at its usual time of 9:00 am and concluded an hour later. Apparently there was no notification of post festivities as people started to quietly make their way from the hall and into the parking lot. 10 minutes later, “Call Me Maybe” came blaring from the public address speakers. Two girls with arms flailing made their way to the center of the crowd. After some stylistic syncopated moves which included numerous back-flips, the girls were joined by 8 others and the dance was in full force. While many applauded and cheered, some were incensed by the party atmosphere and decided to put an end to the show. Board member, Hassan Sheikh, appalled by the fun, screamed at the troupe, who paid no attention and kept dancing. The 63-year old looked for reinforcement and got it from Hamid Abdullah, also 63, who threatened the girls.

Witnesses heard Abdullah shout “I definitely don’t need your number—but MAYBE I’ll call the police!” He grabbed 2 of the girls by the arm and dragged them away while requesting his nephew to call 911. In a state of panic, the remaining girls broke off from the routine and were seen as very upset. Abdullah later confirmed he was infuriated by the shenanigans “What the hell were they thinking?”

“It’s tragic to see some sweet girls trying to add a little color to Eid-ul-Adha and yet it gets slammed down,” said Mariam Abassi, a dental assistant, who admitted that she was tapping her feet to the music and having a good time. Still, others took the side of Sheikh and were embarrassed by the situation and confused with the concept of a flash mob.

“If you want to make a mockery of Eid prayers, go right ahead,” said Principal Irfan Daudi of the Islamic Horizon Magnet school of Kissimmee. “Just don’t assume people are going to jump in and dance with you, especially to that song. They could have picked something better to twerk with.”Daudi later told reporters no charges would be filed in this case and the arrests were to serve as a deterrent to future acts of outrageous behaviors.