BREAKING: Trump’s Toupee Resigns Over Remarks towards Muslims

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Dec 102015
 

BREAKING: Trump’s Toupee Resigns Over Remarks towards Muslims

By Shahid Mansouri

@Theokranews

donald-trump-hairNew York (NY)—A fox used regularly as a toupee for Republican nominee Donald Trump left his presidential campaign and is now learning Islam according to multiple sources.  Dirk, a red-haired fox who for the past 8 months had been sitting on Mr. Trump’s head quietly to cover his receding hairline apparently had been very disgusted with the billionaire’s latest comments on banning Muslim immigrants to the United States. The animal decided to part ways with his former employer.”

“I was appalled and offended by Donald’s fierce rhetoric on Muslims,” said Dirk. “Last week while I was sitting quietly on his head pretending to be his hair-piece, his derogatory rhetoric really got to me. I knew right then I had to leave.” While the resignation was somewhat amicable between Dirk and the Trump campaign, most constituents were somewhat surprised the canine decided to study Islam. He is currently at the Islamic Society of Bay Ridge in Brooklyn studying the basics under Imam Abdel Tariq. “I’m not rebelling or sticking it to him [Trump]. I am doing what any fox would do; I am researching the subject before I express an opinion.”

Criticism against Trump has been swift and harsh. GOP candidates Marco Rubio and Jeb Bush as well as Speaker of the House Paul Ryan and former Vice-President Dick Cheney were quick to denounce his apparent discrimination. White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest later challenged the Republican candidates and said Trump’s proposal “disqualifies him from serving as President,” calling him a carnival baker with fake hair. While Dirk admitted Trump was certainly not a bad guy off camera, he has been rather loud and obnoxious with his radical views for quite some time. He also doesn’t have real hair.

"I couldn't take the blatant Muslim profiling anymore" said Dirk.

“I couldn’t take the blatant Muslim profiling anymore” said Dirk.

This is not the first time an animal was paid to sit on Donald Trump’s head terminated their employment with him. In 2011, a minx refused to do his job when Trump defended police brutality. In 2013, a spray painted raccoon complained how Trump referred to him as the “coon.”  And earlier this year a Mexican chinchilla almost came to physical blows with Trump after the wealthy New York businessman “playfully” asked him if he could mow his lawn. Despite such reported allegations, the Trump Camp has denied the incidents.

“All animals who have nested on the head of Donald Trump and acted as a toupee were always given the proper respect and paid well for their services,” said Natalie Regent, Deputy of Communications for Trump’s presidential campaign. “These are false allegations once again which have been made against Mr. Trump for selfish reasons. He loves animals.” Regent did not comment on Dirk’s replacement, but insisted there were plenty who were seeking the job including a possum and Siamese cat, though there was a concern to the length of their hair.

Dirk has been working on a book called “Hanging with White ISIS”, which accounts his experience with Donald Trump and his supporters. He also plans to spend time touring the country and visiting Islamic Centers. So far he’s been impressed by Muslims Americans. As for a return to a career in acting as a red toupee, Dirk says he has no plans at the moment. But if the opportunity comes up, he will be more careful. “I will be selective and pick individuals who are open-minded and accepting.” There are a lot of crazy people out there. I don’t need to support them.”

 

Police in Several States Make Amends with Minorities: Commemorating January as Reverse Profiling Month

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Dec 182014
 

Police in Several States Make Amends with Minorities: Commemorating January as Reverse Profiling Month

By Hasan Mahfouz

@theokranews

police harrassment-CoverLos Angeles (CA)—not to be lumped with the CIA and the latest torture scandal plaguing the organization in recent weeks, police officers in six states will be honoring January as “White Ain’t Right Month”. The campaign created and endorsed by the Law Enforcement and Protection Agency of America will provide Caucasian males between the ages of 16 and 55 the same harassment and physical abuse many African, Latino and Muslim-Americans receive on a daily basis.  

“We understand there has been a lot of unexpected racial tension and violence,” said Deputy Commissioner Jamie Dirks of the Los Angeles Police Department at a press conference held Thursday morning. But we’re here to tell everyone we want to be recognized as an equal opportunity service when it comes to getting your head bashed in.” Dirks, who provided no comment to the November decision of no-indictment to Officer Darren Wilson, accused of killing 18 year-old Michael Brown which led to demonstrations throughout the word, said while he is beamingly confident more “spooks, wetbacks and ragheads will get their fair share of jail time,” he wanted to provide assurance for ethnicities that there would be an increase in white harassment.  “Please know we are doing what we can to avoid the race card, by giving empathy when we unleash on one of our own for kicks. It is our good faith gesture to you.”

2014 has been a difficult year for African-Americans and minorities with police in the United States. Asides from the Ferguson unrest that had gripped the country for much of the summer and fall, the death of Staten Island resident Eric Garner made headlines due to an alleged choke-hold by New York police officer Daniel Pantaleo, who also was later not indicted took national attention.  In addition, more outrage commenced in Cleveland this past month when further information was disclosed on the killing of 12 year-old Tamir Rice who also was shot by a police officer. Likewise, former Chicago Police Commander John Burge who was convicted of perjury for allegedly torturing 100 African-Americans is reportedly being released from jail after serving only 4 years in prison. With an exorbitant amount of pressure and appearing desperate, law enforcement agencies are trying to demonstrate fairness by scrutinizing the largest demographic.

A pilot launch of White Ain’t Right had already been initiated as a warm-up to next month’s commemoration. In suburban Houston, 6 men, all Caucasian were arrested last Sunday night for drunken and disorderly conduct at a bar after the Dallas Cowboys game. Typically they would be patted on the back and sent home by taxi, but officers on call allegedly tazed four of the offenders while hog-tying the other two and placing them in the back of their squad car. In Detroit, Arabs and African-Americans looked on while local police pulled over several college students from the University of Michigan, requested for the driver to show proof of insurance, then ripped up the documents and hauled them in for attempted assault and battery. “We are trying to show everyone you don’t have to be black, brown or yellow to get the shit beaten of out of them. A level playing field for everyone, especially during the Holliday season, is our way of giving back to the community.”

African-Americans protest the killing of Trayvon Martin.

African-Americans protest the killing of Trayvon Martin.

The White Aint Right program has not only been supported by police departments. Right-Wing coalitions like the Heritage House have championed the cause and are looking to raise money for next year’s campaign with donations that would expand the program in more than 30 states. The heavily watched and racially biased television show Cops will be airing new Caucasian-only incidents and arrests for the remainder of the month including a 12 hour serial-killers marathon on New Year’s Eve. Coincidentally, just about all serial killers in the United States have historically been Caucasian. However, not everyone is happy with the outcome. Muslim groups such as the Council of American Islamic Relations (CAIR) and the Islamic Circle of North America (ICNA) have denounced the reverse harassment program stating the campaign objectives are nothing more than enforcing and recognizing police gestapo tactics but not addressing the issues which have plagued minorities. The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) sent out a press release Thursday condemning such harsh tactics and discrediting any notion of police equality among all Americans.

“This is basically a plan concocted by several high level officials who were drunk in a bar one night,” said Teresa Sampson, Vice-President of Communications and Public Relations for the NAACP. “How on Earth does this help Black America, much less any other minority group in this country?”

Surprisingly, according to a Global Research report, much of the recent police enforcement training which have raised the level of intensity in crime-fighting and counter-terrorism has been conducted through privately funded seminars in Israel where combat-ready tactics have become fiercer and deadlier.