Baby Charged For Attempted Murder in Pakistan, Denies Going into Hiding—Says He Went Back to Get his ‘Gatt’
By Nourie Ghani
Lahore (Pakistan)—A 9-month old boy who had been charged for attempted murder in Pakistan, denies allegations that he was in hiding, but merely went home to get his automatic weapon of choice.
Muhammad Musa Khan, the baby still at large, was charged along with four others for stoning police after a protest against gas cuts and price increase went out of control. Khan was hauled into court later that week to get his fingerprints taken. While Khan admits he was emotionally disturbed by the malicious act, the baby says he eventually settled down and got his act together by getting his pistol.
“They thought I was ducking them, but I was actually flexing,” Khan said with a stern look as he was changing out of his spoiled diapers into a fresh pair. “Five-0 may think they got us on lockdown—they don’t.” Khan denied he and his family were scared of the police and would still go out in the evenings for walks to Red Mango and funnel cakes. “I was never scared—angry but never scared. You have to be hard out here. If you’re not, the Pakistan law enforcement will do whatever they can to take down a 9-month baby like myself.”
“This baby, who’s practically a man, is nothing but a menace to society,” said Inspector Tahir Mansouri of the Iqbal Town Division. “There is nothing to assume he would not be involved in threatening the lives of police officers.” Mansouri claimed of other infants a year-old and younger that have posed a dangerous risk to officers though he could not provide evidence. “If you think they’re like all the other babies in the word, you’ve got another thing coming, They’re hard-core thugs.” Khan concurs.
“I think we have to be given our situation,” he said. “I mean as a baby, I gotta be ready for whatever the police try to hang me on. They think I was throwing stones at them during that protest, so be it. Just realize I’m strapped now—so if you want me, you best come get me.”
Justine Warren, a professor of Sociology at Dartmouth University said that Pakistan like a few other countries is getting fed up with the hostility towards its government. As a result, everyone including children are being pinched for crimes. “This country has no clue on how to handle the chaos by its citizens and because of it we have babies being accused of violence,” she said. “I’ll give it another year before their goats stand trial for grand theft auto.”
“Its amazing what a law force will do when its so pathetic,” said Naeem Raja, Khan’s Uncle. “I mean I understand baby Muhammad is all hard. But come on, charging a 9 month-old for stoning a cop, is getting out of hand.” However, the young Khan who hasn’t even started to walk properly, deflected that notion.
“I’m just out here trying to watch my back. I can’t live like a normal 9 month-old baby because the police don’t want you to live like that,” he said. “It’s us against them and I ain’t going out like some sucker baby on the street. If they’re gonna come get me I’m going out milk bottles and guns blazing.”