Nov 222013
 

Sunday School Teacher Tries to Show Foolishness Playing the Lottery, Wins Big Time—Not Giving Up the Money

By Nazia Ali

Florida 2 lotteryJupiter, FL— A Muslim Sunday School teacher, who attempted to demonstrate the stupidity of playing the Florida State Lottery, won $15 million last Saturday night, when all numbers on his ticket hit.

Sameer Bashiri, a resident of Jupiter and an electrical engineer for Siemens, went wild according to his wife, after the last number, which happened to be 18, popped out of the ping pong ball air machine. “He could not stop screaming,” Mona Bashiri said.”It was as if someone lit his boxers on fire.” Mrs. Bashiri said her husband completely became hysterical and started talking to the ticket after he settled down, caressing and calling it his baby.

Bashiri, 56, who volunteered as a history teacher for 10th grade students at the Islamic Center of Palm Beach (ICPB) had been a fervent opponent of gambling especially with the lottery which Bashiri called the “Devil’s Slot Machine.” In July of this year, as an act of defiance, Bashiri refused to teach Hussein Rehab, a student who was given a lottery ticket from his older brother, even though no one, not even Rehab believed he had a chance to win. According to the New York Times, the odds of winning a 6 draw power ball lottery are 1 in 175 million. While Rehab did not win, he was suspended from the class, as Bashiri was adamant of having no association with a degenerate.

Last Sunday afternoon, Bashiri walked with his students to a local 7-Eleven, purchased a lottery ticket for $1 then went on to admonish the dangers of gambling and its prohibition in Islam. He then rambled on to point out how a small piece of paper made people act crazy and tense because they believed they would become rich. When one student asked what he would do if he were to win, Bashiri laughed and said according to multiple sources, “there’s no way I’m going to win—but if I did, I will donate all the money to some non-Muslim charity.”

However, at a press conference yesterday afternoon, Bashiri’s lawyer, Vince Riablo, said his client has no intention of giving up the money. When told of the ICPB’s board threat to remove Bashiri from his position as a teacher if he does not surrender his winnings, Riablo confirmed Bashiri wasn’t concerned at all. “Yeah, I don’t think he gives a shit.”

21 year-old Sumaiya, Bashiri’s oldest daughter, said her father’s new multi-millionaire status has put him on a  bender, which has included purchasing a Yacht, a Llama, owning all the publishing music rights to Florida hard-rock band Creed and partying with Lebron James. “If anyone wants to see my dad, they just have to turn on the television and watch the Miami Heat games. He sits on the bench with all the players. I would say its an understatement to say he’s having the time of his life.”

So far whereabouts of Bashiri have been unsubstantiated but reports had relocated to Ibiza where he plans to start a new career as a DJ.

Oct 242013
 

WORLD’S MOST INTERESTING MAN SHOCKS WORLD WITH REVELATION THAT HE IS MUSLIM

by Sameer Khalil

most interesting man in the world is muslimManhattan, NY – In a shocking announcement that left viewers stunned, surprised, thrilled, and in disbelief, the world’s most interesting man announced that he is, in fact, a Muslim.

Thousands of curious fans had waited for hours in anticipation of “The Announcement,” a nationally televised event announcing the religious background of the internationally renowned figure. Fans from across the globe packed New York’s Times Square with giddy enthusiasm awaiting his message on the jumbo screen.

Tony Antalucci, 23, visited from nearby Brooklyn to be part of the excitement, “Hey, yo, I dig his style” said an amped up Antalucci. “The man is a legend, so whatever he’s got goin’ on, I wanna piece of it.”

Some travelled from across the country, merely to be in his presence. “I heard HE was in town.”  said Ms. Lisa Ferrari, 37, a socialite from Scottsdale, AZ. I have often thought of him. I stopped by Zainab Bazaar to dress in modest Islamic clothing as well as the traditional head scarf to greet him properly. Um, do you think I am very beautiful? Perhaps among the four most beautiful women in the world?”

While there had been speculation towards his spiritual inclination, there was no certainty. Las Vegas bookies had to continually re-write the odds as experts, pundits, and commentators constantly changed their predictions. Finally, at 8:00pm, the crowd became awestruck as the image of their intriguing hero appeared, rather appropriately, larger than life.

The answer was not revealed right away. Instead, “World,” as he is known, was thoughtful and reflective in explaining his spiritual logic. “We live in a diverse world, and America is a microcosm of the diverse cultures and religions” he said. “I put some thought and did some research before selecting my religion” he added, as the tune from his famous TV commercial continually played in the background.

“My initial thoughts were of Christianity and then Judaism. But those are way too mainstream. I needed to keep a step ahead. While traveling the world, I was exposed to many different faiths–Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, to name a few. Some were interesting but too obscure. Others were just exotic enough for my image. After considering many factors, I felt Buddhism might be a perfect fit. Then I returned and found it was too late. Buddhism has been quite trendy for a while.

World’s spiritual journey continued to struggle. “I had difficulty finding that perfect harmony that would keep my image full of intrigue. I could not find a clear answer but felt comfortable with agnosticism. It was just elusive enough to keep people guessing. But then, those agnostics got annoying with all of their uncertainty about everything. One fool even had the audacity to question if I was, in fact, the most interesting man in the world!

Just as I had given up hope, I found Islam. This time, I approached it with wisdom and perspective. It had all the ingredients I was seeking. The image was edgy, controversial, and exotic. Over a billion followers, yet full of intrigue. Nobody would stop talking about Islam–in a good OR bad way. Whatever happens, people will always wonder ‘where does world stand ‘on this or that issue.’ Now that’s great staying power! “

The crowd cheered wildly. The excitement was not so much about his religious choice. Rather, they were thrilled to see more than 30 seconds of the World’s Most Interesting Man without having to record endless TV shows, then fast forwarding their DVR’s to the each Dos Equis commercial.

However, not everyone shared in the enthusiasm. Billy Joe Coyle, 43, travelled from Huntsville, AL after hearing speculation about World’s religious beliefs. “Now look, I’m an open minded guy!” said a visibly frustrated Coyle. “I didn’t say nothin when them Moslems moved into my town. Not even when they built a mosque. But now, they went too doggone far. ‘World’ is a great American! They can’t take him from us.”

As the event concluded, a spokesperson for “World” confirmed he has parted ways with Dos Equis as a sponsor and noted that brands across the globe have since pursued an affiliation with his image. Apparently, “World” is considering a pitch from an international airlines, “ I don’t always fly, but when I do, I prefer Emirates.” No date has been given for a sponsorship decision.