Jinns of Pakistan Enter Therapy after Latest Polls Show Decline in Paranormal Sightings
By Qaiser Sosse
Karachi, Pakistan—A new study released today by the Berkeley Psychic Institute cited an increase number of Jinns are requiring therapy at treatment centers due to the decline of supernatural observations in Pakistan.
The study, which also conducted a survey of Jinn stories and its impact on society, found almost 23% of Pakistanis have started to scoff paranormal accounts using rational judgment to explain haunted houses and devil possessed individuals.
However, Jinns in Pakistan have recently been critical of the international intellectual community and its rejection to unexplained occurrences. Humans who claim to have seen cats suspended in air, little kids walking through walls and demonic exorcisms have unanimously been declared by scientists, as mentally insane. This has led to a growing frustration by Jinns,who have protested the allegations, but alarmingly have also required counseling from both Jinn and human counselors to boost their confidence.
“This is bullshit! Every little thing has to be questioned with some form of logic!” hollered Jezwan, a male Jinn who has been living for nearly 2000 years in Lahore’s Defense district. “Who else is slamming your windows and opening up refrigerator doors?!”
“It’s becoming an epidemic, one in which we don’t have a definitive answer,” said Imam Kamran Mallick. Mallick, known throughout South Asia as a skilled exorcist having “saved” the souls of over 300 people, said Jinns are having a tough time with what he calls a paranormal recession. “This entire week my staff has been taking a lot of calls from Jinns who are depressed. We’ve had a number of them come in and say they just don’t want to live anymore. It’s been tough. Plus its hurting my business.”
“We take offense to such tasteless and decrepit reports,” said Gwara, executive Chair-jinn for Jinns of a United Pakistan to a thunderous applause that no humans heard. “While we understand some will never accept the actions we do within the realms of earthly dimensions, they can’t base everything on common sense.” Her words echoed the younger demographic of Jinns who have been finding it tougher to enter a market in which humans are not believing Jinn stories and accounts of them taking the form of men, women, trees and animals.
Last week, another organization, The National Association for the Advancement of Colored Jinns (NAACJ) held a press conference at the National Art Gallery in Islamabad to try and set the record straight with the “so-called” circumstantial evidence that has been causing controversy.
“How can they not assume the noise in their attic isn’t us?” said Quidonar, Communications Director for the NAACJ. “Scientists want you to believe we can never interact with humans. They think our ability to touch and feel, to hear and see is limited within the confines of our own world. They don’t want us to integrate. This is racism, classicism and eroticism!” Quidonar blamed books and technology for causing the recent troubles, citing education as a massive problem for the Jinn movement. “It’s been hard to deal with people who utilize their brains to assume our lack of participation.”
Despite such issues from many Jinns, the Berkeley report did state that more than 75% of Pakistanis still believed in paranormal activity, while over 50% felt they had a home haunted. Dr. Jazzwa, a jinn and Professor of Human skepticism at Gozer University, feels very comfortable with those numbers.
“It basically tells you Pakistanis are still believers of us and don’t want to use scientific hypothesis as the basis for believing in the obvious,” said Jazzwa who believes things will soon turn around. “Thank God for the Taliban. Because of their diligent efforts in trying to shoot children who attend school, burning down libraries and firm stance against vital information sources such as the Internet, I believe it won’t be long before we see a rise of more Jinn stories from this country,” said a teary-eyed Jazza. “They’re my heroes.”