Former IDF Officer Plays Holocaust Card to Win $1 Million in Texas Hold’Em Poker Tournament

 ENTERTAINMENT, POLITICS, SPORTS  Comments Off on Former IDF Officer Plays Holocaust Card to Win $1 Million in Texas Hold’Em Poker Tournament
Aug 062014
 
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Former IDF Officer Plays Holocaust Card to Win $1 Million in Texas Hold’Em Poker Tournament

By Robin Hoyer Ajib

@TheOkraNews

poker1AReno (NV)—A former Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) Major used his Holocaust card and beat out more than 1000 participants to win $1 million at the 2014 Bicycle Texas Hold ‘Em Poker Tournament at Harrah’s Hotel and Casino.

Avi Sharon, 49, of Rehovot, Israel was allowed to replace the 3 of Hearts with his own personal Holocaust card that can become any card and suit of his choice after the flop, which is the disclosure of the first three face-up community cards shared by all players. The switch allowed Sharon to hold a pair of pocket Aces, or better known in poker lingo as a pair of “AA Batteries ” or “Admiral Ackbars”, a reference to the amphibious Star Wars military commander for the Rebel Alliance. Sharon won the tournament on a Full House, a hand which matched his pocket high-cards with another Ace on the board as well as two 7s that came on the ‘turn’ and ‘river’, or respectively the fourth and fifth face-up community cards.

“I knew I had to go in strong and take command at some point of the game because I wasn’t doing great,” said Sharon, a 25 year veteran of the IDF who proudly was involved in such infamous assaults on the Palestinian Territories as Operations Cast Lead, Pillar of Defense and Determined Path. “But when I realized I perhaps was not going to win, I had to use my H-card to gain sympathy and to give me the freedom to do whatever the hell I want.”

After Sharon was crowned champion the sounds of mostly groans and whimpers could be heard from the audience of four hundred with no more than a dozen clapping jubilantly. Sharon screamed with excitement once the dealer announced him as the winner and shed tears as he received the jumbo check from Bicycle sponsors.  This was Sharon’s third title in 12 years. In the two other times he played, the H-card, which is literally a blue card with a bold letter H was used four times to offset any low chips he may have had against some of the fiercest poker players in the world. Not surprisingly, many were not happy with the outcome.

Sammy Abraham couldn't believe his luck when Sharon pulled the H-Card

Sammy Abraham couldn’t believe his luck when Sharon pulled the H-Card

“Every time this guy shows up, we all have to be ready to play against the Holocaust card,” said a peeved Sebastian Kroenecker from Rotterdam and the Netherlands poker champion who came in third at the tournament.  “Why does he get to play that hand while all of us watch in despair?”  In recent years, a petition had been signed by the International Cards Community (ICC) to prevent Zionists from playing the H-card describing it as “illegal.” In several instances reportedly in Europe, players from Israel who insisted they play with the card were immediately disqualified and sent home. However the United States Gambling Association, the biggest supporter of competitive poker, has supported the use of the tool in its effort to demonstrate solidarity with Israel. However, controversy did arise when Arab and in particular, Palestinian players tried to use their own H-card at tournaments but were unsuccessful as the U.S had not recognized Palestinians as a demographic in the process of being ethnically cleansed.

“I don’t understand why this favoritism is one-sided,” said Sameer “Sammy” Abraham, a Palestinian Christian from the West Bank who finished seventh. “Have you seen where I live? If that isn’t annihilation of my people I have no idea what is.” Stereotypical assumptions of those who would play the H-card were also dismissed.

“That is an insult to me and I wouldn’t use that card to win anything,” said Jerry Leibowitz who finished as the runner-up despite controlling the game for most of the leg at the final table. Leibowitz, who is Jewish and grew up in Boston, found the entire H-card play absurd. He stated most Jews in America don’t want some free ride based off an extremely unfortunate incident that happened almost 75 years ago. “It’s something which should always be remembered and commemorated. But to use that today as some vindication defies logic which is beyond me.”

Leibowitz said he is proud to have never used the card in his life.

Leibowitz said he is proud to have never used the card in his life.

A few celebrities also congratulated Sharon on an excellent performance including Jon Voight. Voight who has been in Oscar-worthy movies such as Varsity Blues as well as Anaconda and recently made himself look like an idiot by calling fellow actors Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz “ignorant” for speaking out against the recent Israeli military invasion into Gaza, tweeted “First you guys take out the Tunnels—now you take out the Tournament. Good job Avi!” Comedian Jackie Mason, who co-founded One Jerusalem, an organization which prevents Palestinians from gaining any sovereignty to the holy city, also showed his heart-felt support for Sharon by sharing his happiness to a robin that was perched outside his kitchen window drinking water. Apparently the 83-year old Mason thought ‘tweeting’ meant communication with a bird that would then relay the message to the intended recipient.

Sharon, who also uses the H-card for free pizza deliveries and priority boarding, was later asked if he won the tournament fairly considering no other player had a special card like him. “Yes it was fair. If I have the upper hand whether it’s in the military or in poker I’m going to do whatever I can to take advantage regardless if the world thinks wrongly of it. It’s my reasoning and it doesn’t have to make sense. My question to you is what are you going to do about it?”

Jul 232014
 

Detroit Residents Stunned Israel Not the 51st State of America

By Ed Majeed

@TheOkraNews

Detroit 2Detroit (MI)—A recent Gallup poll in Detroit this past week found over 89% of its residents believed Israel was the 51st state of the United States of America.

5,000 homeowners within the proper city district of Detroit were surveyed for public opinions related to the latest conflict in the Middle East, but also to question their knowledge on Israel. Surprisingly, 90.4% of respondents mistakenly took the country as a state in the union, detached from the mainland as with Hawaii. Even more remarkable was 78% supported the $3.5 billion in annual aid Israel received and its recent attack on Gaza calling the Palestinians “savages who want to take control of American soil.” Respondents were later told Israel was indeed not a part of the United States and the aid was not domestic, but foreign.

“What you mean, foreign?!” screamed Latoya Randolph, a salon stylist from the North End neighborhood of Detroit. “You telling me we giving $3 billion to a fucking country in the middle of nowhere while we all out here struggling to get groceries?! That’s just bullshit.”

Detroit 1

Randolph was pissed when she realized Israel was not a state

“Apparently the government hasn’t come to this town in a while,” said Leonard Tates, a retired police officer, who has been waiting for his pension to start since 2005 because city funds have been depleted. “This place is a dump and no one seems to be helping. But Israel is just having a grand old time out there on the Mediterranean putting honey on itself and rolling in my taxes.  I can’t believe this.”

Detroit, which was given the dubious title in 2013 by Forbes magazine as “most miserable city in America” has continued to struggle with high levels of crime and unemployment. Home prices have set unprecedented lows dropping 35% in the past three years to an average of $40,000 as more people have left. Last April, President Obama spoke to the state of Michigan to try and provide Detroit a whopping $100 million in federal funds to demolish vacant homes and buildings as well as remediating the city. However, it was still $3.4 billion short than Israel’s yearly allowance.

“Israel is a part of America and that is a fact,” said Charlie Dryer, a sanitations inspector for Motown Water Works. “I’m pretty sure they are known as the Blue-Grass state.” Dryer, like many other Detroiters, was clueless of the assistance the country had been receiving for the past six decades by the United States. “I thought they were one of us.”

Detroiters can't charge games for money, because no one has any.

Detroiters can’t charge games for money, because no one has any.

The Gallup Poll also discovered the favoritism of the American public towards Israel had been based on the bias of mainstream media which constantly praises the country for being heroic and valiant, the incessant advocacy by politicians on Israel and its safety, Barbra Streisand and the annoying 700 Club. However, with the advent of social media and live reporting in places such as Gaza and the West Bank, the attitudes of many have started to change. In addition organizations as Jewish Voice for Peace, Boycott Divestments and Sanctions (BDS) along with vocal critics such as Naomi Wolf and Noam Chomsky, who denounce the Palestinian occupation, have created more visibility for the crisis.

Still, despite proving Israel was not the 51st state, there were still respondents who refused to buy into the “lie.” My brother’s friend said he drove to Tel Aviv from Oregon last year,” said Christina Tallender, a resident of Rosedale Park. “And if he tells me that you can drive to Israel, you better believe it.”

Israel Lauded for Fair and Equality Policy towards Palestinians by Bombing Them All

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Jul 142014
 
criminals3

Israel Lauded for Fair and Equality Policy towards Palestinians by Bombing Them All

By Rania Shaheed

@TheOkraNews

criminals3Jerusalem (Israel)—Several right-wing American organizations and Middle East conservative pundits praised Israel’s use of airstrikes in the Palestinian territories after Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu accused Hamas with the killings of three Israeli teenagers who were apparently hitchhiking in the West Bank despite having no proof.

While most of the world has stood in shock for the past two weeks on the violence that has been escalated by Israel’s aerial assault, many felt comfortable and at ease with the action knowing Israel did not single any one Palestinian or group for the death of the youths, instead taking it out on everyone.

“Let’s be honest. Israel is headed in the right direction because they have been fair to all Palestinians in resisting to blame anyone in particular,” said Malcom Cromwell, Group Executive Vice-President of Development for the Heritage Foundation. “They chose to target all Arabs in Gaza which demonstrates to me equality.”

Bibi reassures Rabbi all bombings of Gaza have been fair

Bibi reassures Rabbi all bombings of Gaza have been fair

“It’s a sense of humbleness knowing Israel shows compassion in these times by avoiding pointing the finger at anyone,” said Max Schneider, Director of Communications at Act! For America the same paranoid Islamaphobe citizen awareness organization led by Bridgette Gabriel, who has the distinct honor of being implicated as a bigot by the Southern Poverty Law Center and Anti-Defamation League. “Israel to me stands for fairness and keeping their cool when things get hairy. They don’t ask questions, nor evidence. They simply attack. That’s democracy at its best.” When he was asked about the fairness in the savage beating of American Muslim teenager Tariq Abu Khdeir by Israeli forces, Schneider responded by saying the “fairness” lies in the 15 year-old teenager still being alive.

Israel has come under immense criticism from global media outlets who have criticized the country dubbed the “Light Unto Nations” for substituting restraint and investigation for a blitzkrieg onslaught which has taken the lives of 159 Palestinians including women and children with 1000 wounded since it began its campaign on Monday July 7. A ground assault by the Israeli army appears to be imminent. But bloodshed was the last thing on the minds at the Fox network.

“It’s a little ridiculous Israel gets all this negativity from other countries,” said Donna Makkarat, Assistant Producer for the daily morning show, Fox & Friends. “I heard they were liked by only 20% of the world according to a 2013 BBC poll. Come on! How can the world feel that way when they’ve given almost 7 miles to 2,000,000 people in Gaza!” That’s showing equality—and it’s what they do best.”

Zionist college students say they are laughing with the Palestinian women-not at her.

Zionist college students say they are laughing with the Palestinian women-not at her.

Not surprisingly, most have thought differently of the situation, usually those with a brain and an ounce of logic. “I don’t understand why you would start bombing a densely populated area out of revenge when you’re not sure who the revenge is towards,” questioned Dr. Jacob Feinstein, a professor of Political Science at Syracuse University. Other organizations such as Amnesty International, Doctors Without Borders and Human Rights Watch have also viewed Israel with confusion and horror while Dr. Norman Finkelstein, a renowned expert on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict has simply called Israel, a “lunatic state.” Still, the vocal minority has shrugged off the obvious and maintains the positivity in Israel’s latest conflict.

“Yes, Israel is expanding on settlements, collectively bombing the crap out of Gaza and Netanyahu is completed opposed to any two state solution—but Bibi did call the father of the Palestinian teenager that was killed to offer his condolence!,” said David Eisenberg, Associate Chairmen at the American Zionist Organization, referring to 16 year old slain Muhammad Abu Khudair who was killed last week by Jewish extremists. “Israel shows sympathy when it counts—but takes land when it counts. It’s called fairness.”

Israel Blocks Palestine Involvement in Hunt for Missing Malaysia Airlines—Doesn’t Want Possible Survivors from Getting Weapons

 POLITICS  Comments Off on Israel Blocks Palestine Involvement in Hunt for Missing Malaysia Airlines—Doesn’t Want Possible Survivors from Getting Weapons
Mar 122014
 

Israel Blocks Palestine Involvement in Hunt for Missing Malaysia Airlines—Doesn’t Want Possible Survivors from Getting Weapons

By Mazin Sofian
@TheOkraNews

guns and boatsGaza (Palestine)—Despite unrelenting appeal and protests from Palestinians who eagerly want to assist in the search and rescue for the missing Malaysia Airlines flight 370, Israel has blocked Palestinian boats from participating in the global mission for fear they may supply the passengers, if found, with weapons which they could use to wipe out Jerusalem .
The possibility of an attack by possible survivors of the 777 Boeing airplane, which inexplicably lost all communications this past Saturday at around 1:40 a.m. and vanished while on route from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing, was confirmed in a statement by the Israel Defense Forces (IDF). As of Thursday morning, Palestinian ports were being monitored for departure and entrance.
“It is in our best interest to protect a possible strike on the capital by preventing left-wing factions of the Palestinian Authority to arm surviving passengers,” commented Mickey Rosenfield, Deputy Director of the Naval War Service. “We cannot take a chance of being the subject to atrocity if this were to happen.” Rosenfeld reaffirmed he would not take the rather bizarre scenario out of scope and considers it a legitimate threat.

“I think they’re nuts,” said Haythum Nashrawallah, Secretary-General for the Palestine National Security Forces. “We don’t have a Navy. We don’t have carriers to ship the weapons. All we have are fishing boats!” Nashrawallah commented the thought of possible survivors from a plane which disappeared 6 days ago would be miraculous. But the thought of arming them is literally insane. “So let me get this straight. On the boats that we currently have, Israel is concerned we may stockpile them with heavy artillery weapons? And then in the crazy possibility that if there are survivors of the flight, we’re going to train them with the weapons we give them so that they may strike Jerusalem? Yeah—that makes perfect sense.”

The IDF is now investigating Dolphin Terrorist Training

The IDF is now investigating Dolphin Terrorist Training

“I think the Gaza Flotilla incident has made us paranoid, since we never know what’s coming over here or going out,” said Ira Leibovitz, referring to the 2010 raid which Israel conducted on six ships destined from Turkey to Palestine that was sponsored by the Gaza Free Movement and the Foundation for Human Rights and Freedoms and Humanitarian Relief. While the event turned into a fiasco with accusations of onboard armed weapons and detained activists, the thought of foreign pro-Palestinian supporters brining anything over sounds dangerous. “We just don’t take chances anymore even if we’re going to be condemned for our actions. Weapons can be easily taken over by ship. It’s not hard to believe disgruntled survivors are pissed off because their flight went down and are likely to take it out on someone.” When questioned why anyone who survived a fateful plane crash would then want to go after a country they have no issues with, Liebovitz responded “I’m quite certain they will blame us.”
More than 1000 Arab-Americans demonstrated outside the Israeli embassy in Washington DC yesterday to condemn Israel’s refusal for Palestine to participate in the search and rescue, insisting the freedom to help others as their primary cause, but also stating the obvious.
“I still don’t understand the logic to it,” said Ed Saeedi, a civil rights attorney. “Why doesn’t Israel then assume that Palestine will train dolphins to swim out with Widowmakers on their backs and supply that to other people lost at sea?”
Saeedi’s comments were quickly picked up by global media outlets and reported back to the IDF who are now investigating dolphin terrorist training outside the southern Palestinian town of Rafah.