Former IDF Officer Plays Holocaust Card to Win $1 Million in Texas Hold’Em Poker Tournament

 ENTERTAINMENT, POLITICS, SPORTS  Comments Off on Former IDF Officer Plays Holocaust Card to Win $1 Million in Texas Hold’Em Poker Tournament
Aug 062014
 
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Former IDF Officer Plays Holocaust Card to Win $1 Million in Texas Hold’Em Poker Tournament

By Robin Hoyer Ajib

@TheOkraNews

poker1AReno (NV)—A former Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) Major used his Holocaust card and beat out more than 1000 participants to win $1 million at the 2014 Bicycle Texas Hold ‘Em Poker Tournament at Harrah’s Hotel and Casino.

Avi Sharon, 49, of Rehovot, Israel was allowed to replace the 3 of Hearts with his own personal Holocaust card that can become any card and suit of his choice after the flop, which is the disclosure of the first three face-up community cards shared by all players. The switch allowed Sharon to hold a pair of pocket Aces, or better known in poker lingo as a pair of “AA Batteries ” or “Admiral Ackbars”, a reference to the amphibious Star Wars military commander for the Rebel Alliance. Sharon won the tournament on a Full House, a hand which matched his pocket high-cards with another Ace on the board as well as two 7s that came on the ‘turn’ and ‘river’, or respectively the fourth and fifth face-up community cards.

“I knew I had to go in strong and take command at some point of the game because I wasn’t doing great,” said Sharon, a 25 year veteran of the IDF who proudly was involved in such infamous assaults on the Palestinian Territories as Operations Cast Lead, Pillar of Defense and Determined Path. “But when I realized I perhaps was not going to win, I had to use my H-card to gain sympathy and to give me the freedom to do whatever the hell I want.”

After Sharon was crowned champion the sounds of mostly groans and whimpers could be heard from the audience of four hundred with no more than a dozen clapping jubilantly. Sharon screamed with excitement once the dealer announced him as the winner and shed tears as he received the jumbo check from Bicycle sponsors.  This was Sharon’s third title in 12 years. In the two other times he played, the H-card, which is literally a blue card with a bold letter H was used four times to offset any low chips he may have had against some of the fiercest poker players in the world. Not surprisingly, many were not happy with the outcome.

Sammy Abraham couldn't believe his luck when Sharon pulled the H-Card

Sammy Abraham couldn’t believe his luck when Sharon pulled the H-Card

“Every time this guy shows up, we all have to be ready to play against the Holocaust card,” said a peeved Sebastian Kroenecker from Rotterdam and the Netherlands poker champion who came in third at the tournament.  “Why does he get to play that hand while all of us watch in despair?”  In recent years, a petition had been signed by the International Cards Community (ICC) to prevent Zionists from playing the H-card describing it as “illegal.” In several instances reportedly in Europe, players from Israel who insisted they play with the card were immediately disqualified and sent home. However the United States Gambling Association, the biggest supporter of competitive poker, has supported the use of the tool in its effort to demonstrate solidarity with Israel. However, controversy did arise when Arab and in particular, Palestinian players tried to use their own H-card at tournaments but were unsuccessful as the U.S had not recognized Palestinians as a demographic in the process of being ethnically cleansed.

“I don’t understand why this favoritism is one-sided,” said Sameer “Sammy” Abraham, a Palestinian Christian from the West Bank who finished seventh. “Have you seen where I live? If that isn’t annihilation of my people I have no idea what is.” Stereotypical assumptions of those who would play the H-card were also dismissed.

“That is an insult to me and I wouldn’t use that card to win anything,” said Jerry Leibowitz who finished as the runner-up despite controlling the game for most of the leg at the final table. Leibowitz, who is Jewish and grew up in Boston, found the entire H-card play absurd. He stated most Jews in America don’t want some free ride based off an extremely unfortunate incident that happened almost 75 years ago. “It’s something which should always be remembered and commemorated. But to use that today as some vindication defies logic which is beyond me.”

Leibowitz said he is proud to have never used the card in his life.

Leibowitz said he is proud to have never used the card in his life.

A few celebrities also congratulated Sharon on an excellent performance including Jon Voight. Voight who has been in Oscar-worthy movies such as Varsity Blues as well as Anaconda and recently made himself look like an idiot by calling fellow actors Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz “ignorant” for speaking out against the recent Israeli military invasion into Gaza, tweeted “First you guys take out the Tunnels—now you take out the Tournament. Good job Avi!” Comedian Jackie Mason, who co-founded One Jerusalem, an organization which prevents Palestinians from gaining any sovereignty to the holy city, also showed his heart-felt support for Sharon by sharing his happiness to a robin that was perched outside his kitchen window drinking water. Apparently the 83-year old Mason thought ‘tweeting’ meant communication with a bird that would then relay the message to the intended recipient.

Sharon, who also uses the H-card for free pizza deliveries and priority boarding, was later asked if he won the tournament fairly considering no other player had a special card like him. “Yes it was fair. If I have the upper hand whether it’s in the military or in poker I’m going to do whatever I can to take advantage regardless if the world thinks wrongly of it. It’s my reasoning and it doesn’t have to make sense. My question to you is what are you going to do about it?”

Muslim Leaders Attend Washington Fundraiser—Brag About Posts and Bowling with Dalai Lama

 POLITICS  Comments Off on Muslim Leaders Attend Washington Fundraiser—Brag About Posts and Bowling with Dalai Lama
Feb 282014
 

Muslim Leaders Attend Washington Fundraiser—Brag About Posts and Bowling with Dalai Lama

By Ahmad Muneer
@theokranews

rockstar imamsWashington (DC)—Close to 30 American-Muslim leaders, mostly under the age of 45, were present at the Dialogue for Interfaith Council Symposium’s (DICS) 3rd annual fundraising dinner last night to discuss the success of their Facebook posts which ranged from modest brag ado to all-out narcissism.

The event, held at the Four Seasons Hotel, generated more than $85,000 which would go towards the leaders’ Facebook page so they could purchase more ‘likes’ in order to help raise awareness about themselves and the extraordinary things they tend to do every few hours of the day.

“I think its fantastic people came out for the great cause to love me,” said Riyaz Murtaza, a civil-rights attorney from Chicago with a Facebook following of 30,000, mostly from Nigerian sheepherders. “I want my fans to know that they mean everything to me. Last month I dedicated my climb to Machu Pichu with an orangutan strapped to my back for them.” Murtaza, who acknowledges himself as the Muslim Don Draper, also confirmed he taught the monkey Arabic to expand on his Islamic knowledge.

“I’m pretty happy with myself,” smiled Abid Al-Fawdi, a social activist whose credentials include an online self-help book on gardening and two interviews with Fox News on the Muslim swimsuit, the Burqini. “I was actually in Hong Kong earlier this week bowling with the Dali Lama, when I realized I had to be here. If it wasn’t for the business class upgrade I received, I probably would have been too tired to attend this function.” Al-Fawdi, who during a Q&A session, sported a Babushka which allegedly was a recent gift from former Soviet Union’s Minister of Foreign Affairs, Andrei Gromyko (Gromyko has been dead since 1989), said he thinks it’s important American Muslim leaders get the attention they deserve because of their knowledge. “Let’s face it—King Kong ain’t got nothin’ on me! Leaders are a rare breed because we know more than most Muslims. Therefore, we need to have the spotlight.” When a reporter asked him what ‘more’ did he know, Al-Fawdi arrogantly responded “well I know I have more Tweets than you.”

American Muslim leaders have been under fire recently for demonstrating an attitude which borders on swagger and cockiness in media blogs and posts, characteristics that were unheard of with their predecessors. Some of the younger ones have been criticized for supporting just about any politically correct organization because its “cool” and blogging ambiguous philosophical quotes like teenagers who’ve smoked weed for the first time.

rock star leaders 2As a result, many have felt the need for the experts on Islam to minimize the number of updates on their latest and greatest conquests. A handful of protestors demonstrated peacefully outside the hotel lobby with signs expressing their disapproval. “Do people actually consider them as intellects?” said Fareed Shamil of Bethesda, Maryland. “I followed Murtaza on Facebook for a week while the Gaza Flotilla raid was happening in 2010. Instead of some insight to the actual incident, all he kept posting were pictures of his socks that he bought from Target and how uncomfortable they were.” Shamil asserted the new Muslim evangelists have gone overboard with their fame and are actually making it tempting for others to become part of their fraternity. “They’re basking in some demented form of rock stardom and telling us about the fun they are having. If it’s really true—than where do I apply?!”

By far the biggest moment of the evening was when CNN reporter Zayd Hamadullah showed up in a limousine driven by his wife, wearing a leopard-print Nehru jacket, a Fez and Armani sunglasses. Taking a cue from legendary Hall of Fame cornerback Deion Sanders, Hamadullah, a.k.a PrimeTime walked into the gala shaking hands with the throngs of onlookers and flashing peace signs. “That’s right baby—the show is here,” the 27 year-old said.

While discussions among a few leaders did turn serious as there was concern on the possible shortage of new bragging material, most stayed positive and felt confident that their fan base and level of commitment as douchebags on social media sites would only increase in 2014. “This isn’t going to be like The Jersey Shore,” said Mohid Barir, Director of Urban Community Development for the Council of Arab Islamic Relations (CAIR) and a self-described Muslim intellect despite not having a degree in any Islamic subject. “We’re not going away. We’ll be on television more, at speaking events and writing more posts about our escapades of deep sea fishing on a yacht in St. Tropez. This is how we connect to other Muslims and let them know that we are their representatives to the world.”

Nov 082013
 

Houston Imam Gets Hooked, Cooked and Fried in Unbelievable Catfish Hoax

By Farookh Balsarah 

Houston, TX—Move over Manti Te’o. You’ve got company.

imam in shock after MTV show Catfish shows up at his doorA prominent young and upcoming Imam who was hailed as the Hamza Yusuf of his generation has taken an indefinite leave of absence from chaplain duties at his mosque after a popular television program discovered the alleged woman he met online and planned to marry, turned out to be a 48 year-old male Pakistani cab driver from Chicago.

Faisal Kazmi, the Imam at the Islamic Society of The Woodlands, an affluent suburb of Houston, was in shock when the staff of Catfish, the wildly successful MTV show which investigates suspicious predators of online dating, showed up at his house with the bad news that the beautiful and good-hearted girl of Oakbrook, Illinois he met through a friendly internet chat was in fact, Hamid “Boats” Boatwalla, of West Rogers Park, Chicago.

Said Boatwalla laughing hysterically , “this was the greatest prank I have ever pulled off in my life! I can’t tell you how many Facebook friend requests I’ve gotten since last week. How do you you like them apples!”

5809_Abu_Dhabi_Taxi_Driver

Hamid “Boats” Boatwalla– I’ve made so many friends as a result of this prank!

“This is super embarrassing” an emotional Kazmi said. “I thought she was real. We had plans to get married, start a family and lecture one other. I can’t believe it was some dude who drives taxis. I got totally catfished.”

“He was pretty devastated,” said Quinn Halliday, associate producer of Catfish, who indicated Kazmi, 25, started to sweat profusely when the findings report was disclosed. “I thought he was going to faint.”

The story began almost 6 months ago when Kazmi was on a WebEx forum explaining Islamic banking with a group of Muslims. One individual, a person by the name of Shakka Khan from Dallas, was very eager to listen to him.

“I didn’t think anything of it at first and was flattered that this Muslim woman was asking me all these questions on Islamic mortgages, which personally makes no sense to me, but was doing my best to provide her with information” said a still devastated Kazmi smoking a Newport. “It felt great to be important and people can count on your knowledge for spiritual guidance.” Eventually, both Kazmi and Shakka exchanged contact information which soon matured into emails, swapping photos and online chats. According to Kazmi, it felt real. “I can’t tell you how excited I was about all of this.”

New-Beautiful-Islamic-Hijab-Veil-Trends-Muslim-Women-2013-5

The first picture sent from Shakka Khan to Kazmi.

Kazmi acknowledged that texting and tweeting soon turned into phone calls. “She had the sweetest voice,” he cringed. “If your back was turned and he sang  “Single Ladies”, you would swear that it was Beyonce.”

After 7 weeks, the Houston native and graduate of Baylor decided he was ready to take it to the next step requesting to meet her several times in some public setting. But Shakka allegedly was shy and did not want to rush into things. Kazmi needed help. He decided to seek out his Uncle for advice. “I told him that I love Shakka! He told me that he did too. I was confused with his comment until he told me about Shakka Khan, the popular 80s platinum R&B artist. And then it just hit me.”

With the help of some friends, Kazmi decided to contact the producers of Catfish, who were intrigued by the story.  “Quinn [Halliday] and I just looked at each other and we kind of knew where this was going,” said Michael Olsen, co-producer. “Shakka Khan-wow.” After conducting some research and internet forensics, the Catfish crew tracked down the cabbie to be the originator of the hoax.

Boatwalla, who proudly confessed to the prank couldn’t believe how long the gag lasted. “I’m baffled man. I mean here’s a guy who obviously is smart, grounded and very disciplined. Love is truly blind.”